Reflections on the Stages of Jongshim and Self-Constitution
I have organized various thoughts that came to mind while reading "Nine Things I Learned at Ninety" along with relevant quotes.
Borrowing from the philosophy of Kant and Aristotle to advocate for Self-Constitution, namely "consistency, unity, wholeness" - in other words, integrity
Consistency is a very important value to me. In front of family, friends, lovers, and colleagues, I always show the same face. For a long time, I was better than anyone at adorning and hiding myself, but I became equally exhausted by it.
Confucius divided life by age stages, saying that at seventy, one reaches 'jongshim.'
Jongshim refers to the stage where one can follow one's heart without departing from the Way.
To me, these words sounded like a path to gaining "the freedom to live life as one pleases."
Around twenty, when I was becoming an adult, I was tired of insincere relationships. During middle and high school, I met many people through various extracurricular activities.
Communication wasn't difficult compared to my peers, and I had many opportunities to associate with good people. Nevertheless, I felt loneliness and disconnection, and I became conscious of this contradiction as a problem.
My inner loneliness was pathological and compulsive. I wanted to fix that problem by changing anything necessary.
When I analyzed myself, it became clear that I showed different faces to each person I met. Those faces were perfect and attractive, but what people liked wasn't me myself but the masks I created. Knowing this fact, I couldn't truly connect, and when the masks came off, I would cut off contact and hide in shame.
However, to not be lonely, I had to remove the masks. To remove the masks, I first had to understand why I came to wear them.
The root was simple. I believed I was shabby and inadequate, and I actually felt that way too.
Then the concept of 'jongshim' suggested a path. The realization was that to become confident enough to reveal myself as my heart desires, I needed to rejoice in good things, feel anger at evil things, and establish valid and reasonable thoughts and ideas.
Now I just live honestly.
Consistency has become the power that allows me to live freely.